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paigemarshall23's Blog


for the kids room

As you know, I don't have children... but I babysit one of my cousins who has autism; and I also take care of my inner child. They both love this. Made one for my cousin and I'm doing one for myself too! ..thinking of doing one for the office, but it's already filled with my own art... hmmmm 

Mind over matter.


Psychology rebels...

Abraham Maslow, Transpersonal Psychology, and self-Transcendence

The American psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) founded the Association for Humanistic Psychology in 1959 and, then, going a quantum jump further, established the Association for TranspersonalPsychology in 1969. He achieved both endeavors with the help of his colleague Anthony Sutich, with whom he helped edit the academic journals for both associations, The J. of Humanistic Psychology and the J. of Transpersonal Psychology.

Maslow, born of uneducated Jewish immigrant parents from Russia, grew up in Brooklyn before going on to attend City University of New York, then graduate school in psychology at Univ. of Wisconsin and Columbia University. He became a very original thinker, interested in taking psychology beyond its first "two forces," Freudian theory and Behaviorism, and their obsession with psycho-pathology. He thus called his Humanistic Psychology the "third force" and Transpersonal Psychology the "fourth force" in the field of psychology.

Humanistic Psychology wants to examine what is really right with people, rather than just what is wrong with them. That is to say, it wants to focus on psychological health and well-being rather than merely on mental-emotional-behavioral disorders.

Going much further, Transpersonal Psychology is interested to explore extreme wellness or optimal well-being. It is interested in those cases of persons who have often or perhaps permanently expanded their "normal sense of identity" to include the supra- or trans-personal, the Self of all selves, the One underlying the Many. Transpersonal Psychology explicitly acknowledges and makes use of the profound spiritual psychologies of the Great Traditions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, mystic Christianity, Judaism and Muslim Sufism), as well as new insights and methods in the human potential and consciousness-expanding movements.

Maslow articulated such key concepts as “self-actualization” (development of one’s capacities) for Humanistic Psychology, then exceeded it with his Transpersonal Psychology ideal of “self-transcendence” (full spiritual awakening or liberation from egocentricity), along with the notion of “peak experiences” (and “plateau living”).

Maslow is also famous for positing a hierarchy of human needs, ranging from “deficiency needs” or “D-needs” (i.e., needs for safety, nourishment, love, belonging, respect, self-esteem, etc.—the lack of which can lead to neurosis or psychosis) up to higher Being-needs, or “B-needs” (the need to engage in meaningful, helpful work and service, to promote justice, to creatively express oneself, to find spiritual fulfillment and self-transcendence in realizing what is True, Beautiful, Good—the lack of which can lead to “metapathologies”).

Human history is a record of the ways in which human nature has been sold short. The highest possibilities of human nature have practically always been underrated. Even when 'good specimens,' the saints and sages and great leaders of history have been available for study, the temptation too often has been to consider them not human but supernaturally endowed…. If we want to know the possibilities for spiritual growth, value growth, or moral development in human beings, then I maintain that we can learn most by studying our most moral, ethical, or saintly people.” — Abe Maslow.

 


more! <3

Some quotes I agree with and try my best to practice daily. 



That's the truth.

Negative thoughts will only attract negative energies into our lives; they will only attract people that think the same way, and two persons or more, with a negative attitude won't have enough energy to cut the cycle. Surround yourself with people who are positive and focused on solutions, not whining, not complaining. 


I choose LIFE

"The process of CHANGE is life. I realize that if I were stable and steady and static, I would be living death. So I accept confusion and uncertainty and fear and emotional highs and lows because they are the price I willingly pay for a flowing, perplexing, exciting life.” Carl Rogers

What the DSM-V should say. Nothing more, nothing less.


The Heart Donkey (A Sufi story)...something to contemplate about.

The Heart Donkey
There was a man in Turkey who was travelling with his favourite donkey, a faithful companion for years and an animal very close to his heart. At the end of a hard day on the road he came to an inn and decided to rest there for the night. No sooner than he had taken off the saddle bags than a youth working for the inn came out to greet him.

“Salaam Aleikum, sir, welcome to our humble shelter! Please, come inside and get some warm soup and sit beside the fire.”

“Of course, I’d love to but first I must make sure my donkey is well cared for.” The man said, patting his donkey on the back. The youth smiled generously.

“Please, sir, allow me to attend to such details, you are an honoured guest here.”

“But it’s just that he’s an old donkey and needs a nice bed of hay to lie in.”

“Sir, we guarantee you the best care possible.”

“But you will sweep the floor first to make sure there are no stones? He gets in a terrible mood if he doesn’t sleep well.”

“Please, sir, just trust me, we are professionals here.”

“But you will add some water to his straw – his teeth are getting shakey and he likes just a little fresh grass to begin with.”

“Sir, you are embarrassing me!

“And you will give him a little rubdown along the spine – he goes crazy for that!”

“Sir, please just leave everything to me."

So finally the man gave in and entered the establishment to enjoy a fine dinner by the fire and a comfortable bed. Meanwhile the youth rolled his eyes and… then went out to play cards in a nearby den.

The man could not sleep somehow, despite the silk sheets, as he kept having nightmares of his donkey chained up without water or food, lying on the cold stone. The vision wouldn’t leave him and so he got up in his dressing gown, walked down the steps to the stable and there! His donkey was in exactly the condition he’d imagined – cold, hungry and dying of thirst.

 The world is full of those who say whatever is necessary to get their way. When it comes to looking after your heart donkey, it’s entirely up to us. We are the only real keepers of our feelings and no one knows better than us what we really need, hence the value of trusting our intuition and taking care of our hearts as though it really were an old, faithful companion...


Lovely days and positive vibes to share


Oh look! 5 minutes of peace!


Watch it, do it. <3 It works. Watch it as many times as you want!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6eFFCi12v8

A little about me

Hey there everyone, hope all of you are doing great or at least, making your best effort. :)

So I've shared a couple of stories around here without properly introducing myself.  I'm originally from Costa Rica, my parents are from Colombia...I lived in Chicago during my high school years, lovely city, lovely people (the ones I met at least!!) and then moved to Colombia where I lived for the past 7 years and got my degree in psychology. 

Right now I'm back to my homeland, soon to be gone again by September; or earlier. It all depends on where life takes me. 

So anyway, I'm a humanistic psychologist (if you want to know more, go here: http://web.cortland.edu/andersmd/human/menu.html

and that's probably the reason some of you will see my posts a bit unconventional from what is popularly known for psychologists. Humanists are not very popular anywhere really; but during my career I found that the rest of the theories didn't sound much with me, my beliefs, my life and the way I see the world. 

I've worked with a few different types of communities, and given it was in Colombia... violence, poverty, abuse, and much of our human dark side was seen. However, I was also blessed with the possibility to know transformation, growth, friendship and love through out these same communities and for that, I forever thank them.  

I have my dark days, I have a temper, and some people think I could've been a lawyer as well... but all in all, I've learned to see life for what it is: a continuum of experiences; a constant opportunity to learn and grow. I refuse to have a bad day, I refuse to waste my energy with things, situations and people who are only interested in exhausting others; and I believe life is hard personal work. Life is an opportunity we get to  make of it whatever we want, even though circumstances are not always of our liking. The ultimate freedom is the attitude we choose to have towards life's circumstances. (Viktor Frankl's idea which I wholeheartedly agree with).

I love to cook (thank you pinterest); I love music, I practice zazen meditation twice, daily (took a lot to get there..) I work, play, read, paint and write too. The last two have very unprofessional styles =) 

I'm not here necessarily as a psychologist; but I don't leave my life out of that role...and I don't leave that role out of my life. For the most part I wanted to join so I can share positive energy with those who are open to it; whether that's through a nice quote I find, a comment, an idea, an experience or book excerpts through my blog. 

So, if anyone who reads what I post feels hopeful, happy, calm, thankful or at least what I post gives them something to think about... that's enough reason for me to be around here. 

I wish all of you a great day and week!! 


Crones don't whine (Basic points) By Jean Shinoda Bolen

Jean Shinoda Bolen is a Jungian analyst and psychiatrist. She has wonderful insights and I'd like to share some basic points of her book "Crones don't whine". It's a bit of a long read, but believe me it's well worth it. It's refreshing, it's fun, and it helps a lot. It doesn't matter if you're not 40 or 50; the earlier we start developing our inner "crone" the better it is for us and our well being! 


13 JUICY OLDER WOMAN RULES
Crones Don’t Whine
Whining is conduct unbecoming of a crone. To be a crone, you need to let go of what should have been, what could have been, might have been. You need to silence the whining in your head that will come out of your mouth next.
Whining makes you unable to live in the present, or be good company for anyone—even yourself. Whiners assume they were and are entitled to a different life from the one they have. Whiners do not see that everyone has had a share of the bad things that happen to people. Ungrateful for what they do have, whiners cannot enjoy the present. A whining child. . . wants something that is not freely given.
 
What was, was. However, Grief and whimpering are not whining. You can share updates with friends who need or want to know about your losses. But crones don’t bore others with a litany of their symptoms that have an air of performance or bragging. A crone knows other people have problems too.
 
Crones are Juicy
In nature, being alive means there is a source of water, which is moist. Genuine feelings are moist. . . A crone is a juicy older woman with zest, passions, and soul. . . the secret is to be yourself, while your mind, heart, and body still function well enough, and you appreciate being alive. . . what makes life juicy is to be deeply involved in life.
            You may be a juicy crone who discovered how delicious solitude is. . . or with hearth and heart welcoming of numerous people as the center of activity. . . found a younger lover. . . or married to the right person. You may be reading and learning what you are interested in knowing. . . or an activist. . . or in a creative phase. . . or time with grandchildren.
            Others may think you are inappropriate, whimsical, or eccentric because you are able to be authentic and are not conforming to a stereotype of age.
 
Crones have Green Thumbs
Crones are in the generative phase of life, a time of fostering growth. Crones weed well. Crones prune. Crones know that different plants and people need different conditions in order to thrive. Crones protect what is vulnerable until survival on its own is possible. Crones have learned patience. Crones can wait as the seasons turn. Crones know that something small can grow big, that something can bloom or bear fruit before it dies.
            A green-thumb teacher, therapist, editor, mentor, director, mother, or vision carrier for the potential in another is like a gardener who loves what she does. . .involvement in such work will change. . . many women now feel a pull toward solitude for reflection, self-expression, inner development. Inner time is especially needed at the beginning of a new season of your life. . . unless you build strong boundaries around your own time, other people will assume that they can intrude with their needs.

 Crones Trust What They Know in Their Bones
Crones trust their instincts about people and principles. This trust grows through growing older and wiser, through learning from life.  “Experience was what you learned just after you needed it,” –Isabelle Allende. 
Looking back on lessons learned, many women realize that they were relatively clueless about potentially dangerous situations, or had been impulsive and heedless. Some realize that they disregarded an uneasy feeling or even a stable of fear, and rather than appear impolite, foolish, snobbish, prejudiced, selfish, or ignorant, became a victim instead.
            Credentials and recommendations are taken into account, after which a crone will make decisions about who to trust to look after her, her health, and her assets based on her sense of  the caregivers’ character, competency and compassion, and on something that “feels right” between them. 

 Crones Meditate in their Fashion
Crones find time to meditate, it may have been called “washing the dishes and staring out the window,” or “folding laundry and thinking,” or “daydreaming,” or “doing nothing.” It may have begun as having a quiet cup of coffee before the household awakes, . . . or what you did while taking a walk, or in commuter traffic.             It was a time when a thought could come to mind, or something beautiful truly seen, or a dream or conversation remembered.
            Women who worry incessantly are not meditating.  . . having worst-case thoughts is not meditating, nor is preoccupation with past pain and resentments, nor is it making up to-do lists. Focus may be inward, but there is no space for thoughts and connections to come to mind, or for feelings and images to rise to the surface and be observed without being attached to worry, guilt or anger.
            Inner life was meant to grow in importance as we grow older. We explore the world with our senses in our earlier years. . .  We can draw from what we have already experienced. Usually we have more time for an inner life. Sleeping less than we used to gives us extra hours.
                Understanding comes when we take time to notice patterns and can see events in a more detached way than when we were in the midst of them. 

Crones are Fierce about What Matters to Them
Gloria Steinem has often noted that women tend to be more conservative when young, and become rebellious and radical as they grow older, while it’s the opposite for men. Crones are not naïve or in denial about reality. Women become radicalized through empathy.  A crone is a woman who has found her voice. She knows that silence is consent. This is a quality that makes older women feared. Among indigenous peoples, “grandmother” is a title of respect for an older woman in a society that had councils of wisewomen elders. . . whose maternal concern was now for all the children of the tribe and for generations to come.
            It is the exceptional power of the mother bear coupled with her maternal concern that demands respect and fear. 

 
Crones Choose the Path with Heart
Crones know when they are at a fork in the road and understand that the decision to be made will cost whatever the alternative is. Choosing one path means giving up the other.   Paraphrasing Castaneda:  There are many paths to choose from, and none of them go anywhere. Yet you must carefully choose which path you will take. If you choose a path with heart, it may be difficult, but there is joy along this path, and as you travel, you grow and become one with it. If you choose a path out of fear, anxiety travels with you, and no matter how much power, prestige, and possessions you acquire, you will be diminished by it.
            What did we come to do? Who or what did we come to love? What talents did we come with? What do we find fascinating? What gives us joy? What do we know matters deeply to us? The outer path we take is public, but the path with heart is an inner one. 

Crones Speak the Truth with Compassion
Saying what others want to hear, rather than what is true, can become second nature. The challenge, which leads to becoming a crone, is learning how to be both truthful and compassionate. Observation is the first step: really listen to what is being said. Are you being polite or cowardly? The wisdom of the inner crone is knowing when to speak and what to say.
            Truth is sharp-edged: it is an instrument that can cause pain, wound, disfigure, or maim. Or, it can be a surgeon’s scalpel that removes a malignancy.. . . and restores health or self-esteem.
            Women are most inclined to withhold the truth from those emotionally most important to them, and in so doing nurture and sustain their weaknesses. To not want to embarrass a friend and withhold the truth does not serve her: friends tell each other the truth.
            Consider letting draining relationships go. Whatever you do takes from what you otherwise could have done. The easiest to pare down are the reciprocal, social back-and-forths. All you have to do is fade away. Better to attribute your withdrawal to changes going on within. The decisiveness and clarity of a message that something is over is a kindness if the alternative to reach the same end is a long, drawn-out, painful process. 

 Crones Listen to their Bodies
If we don’t listen to our bodies and pay attention to our physical needs and pleasures, this vehicle that we need to be running well to take us into a long and comfortable life, will instead limit what we can do and who we become.
            Many crones also learn to listen to their bodies . . . and can tell when something is off. Our bodies often express feelings for us, and if we do not allow emotions to surface as our feelings, they can come out as our pain or a physical symptom. A crone pays attention to her body’s perceptions—she listens to what it is saying about people and situations. Who do you draw physically close to? Who do you step back from when they come close?
            Crones who want to look as young as they feel sometimes will do something about their wrinkles and sags, while others love their wrinkles, graying or white hair, and enjoy looking grandmotherly or like a wise elder.
 
Crones Improvise
Most crones could define their lives as an improvised work in progress. Wherever they are was not the planned destination. Regardless of what came before, changes in circumstances usually happen during the crone years. Flexibility, resourcefulness, good health, friends, the ability to learn and keep on growing, being needed or doing service, having absorbing interests, and the ability to enjoy your own company, are qualities that make improvising a good life possible.
            A crone is herself. She accepts change, appreciates the good in her life, grieves for what dies or loses vitality, and goes on. Truth is, she does not exactly reinvent herself intentionally; rather she is adapting to change, responding to what engages her energy.

 Crones Don’t Grovel
Crones don’t grovel for approval. How sad and pathetic we were in the awful years of feeling awkward, rejectable, and therefore relieved to be acceptable. Wanting to please is normal. But being willing to grovel goes much further. If we are loved, accepted, and treated well, we don’t grovel; we act naturally and spontaneously. Groveling is a state of mind in which you defer to another person because you think of yourself as a need, unworthy inferior. Only a woman who is actually a prisoner or has the legal status of property has to grove. All others need to get help and get out. 

Crones Laugh Together
The belly laughter of women together is usually something that happens in the absence of men. Crones together are most likely to laugh until tears flow because they know when they are with like-hearted women and don’t need to preserve a persona. Its an expression of the triumph of spirit and soul over that which could have broken us or made us bitter; its because whatever happened or didn’t happen didn’t turn us into whiners.
 
Crones Savor the Good in their Lives
If you are a woman who has enjoyed life and not become soured by your personal share of human suffering, you are likely to become a crone who is a connoisseur of experience—meaning that you are abler to savor the good that comes your way. Crones know how fortunate they are to still be alive, when most of the world does not reach fifty, and many friends and family have not made it this far. Savoring is about giving an experience your full attention and truly taking it in. savoring is about gratitude for the moment. Gratitude comes from being conscious of alternative possibilities and the big picture. Crones have known bad times and bad days. Crowns have also known magic moments. Gratitude is something we have inside us that rises to the surface when something in particular invites it out. Gratitude is a wonderful spiritual practice. Its about being at a particular place in time, but its more; its gratitude that such events could come to be, and that you are there to experience it. And even more than this, its gratitude for something beyond words, for the communion.
            Crones are the connoisseurs of life’s good moments. 

Positive reminders to practice as much as possible.


Found them and sharing them

If any of these are of your liking, if any of these help, if any of these inspire you and motivates you... Print them, hang them where you can see them easily every day. 


Indian lounge music

Oh man, this set is brilliant!!! ..and now I'm off to watch Harry Potter because I really cannot get enough of its magic! :) 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz2iiK3vr6E

Carlos Castaneda my friends

Because I love his wisdom. Because I don't care if Don Juan was real or not. What matters are the teachings he gives us.

“The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse...The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or a curse.”

“In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.” 

“For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous desert, in this marvelous time. I want to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it. You have little time left, and none of it for crap. A fine state. I would say that the best of us always comes out when we are against the wall, when we feel the sword dangling overhead. Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

“Death is the only wise advisor that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, 'I haven't touched you yet.”

Agreement #3 Dont take everything personally by Miguel Ruiz


Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally. Using an

earlier example, if I see you on the street and I say, "Hey, you are so

stupid," without knowing you, it's not about you; it's about me. If you

take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe

you think to yourself, "How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can

everybody see how stupid I am?"
 

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. As

soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped

in the dream of hell. What causes you to be trapped is what we call

personal importance. Personal importance, or taking things personally,

is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the

assumption that everything is about "me." During the period of our

education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything

personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me,

always me!
 

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of

themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they

are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we

take something personally, we make the assumption that they know

what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

You eat all their emotional garbage, and now it becomes your

garbage. But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the

middle of hell.
 

Immunity to poison in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.

When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your

reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make

something big out of something so little, because you have the need

to be right and make everybody else wrong. You also try hard to be

right by giving them your own opinions. In the same way, whatever

you feel and do is just a projection of your own personal dream, a

reflection of your own agreements. 





Excerpt from "Crones don't whine" By Jean Shinoda Bolen

"To be a crone is about inner development, not outer appearance. A crone is a woman who has wisdom, compassion, humor, courage, and vitality. She has a sense of truly being herself, can express what she knows and feels, and take action when need be. She does not avert her eyes or numb her mind from reality. She can see the flaws and imperfections in herself and others, but the light in which she sees is not harsh and judgmental. She has learned to trust herself to know what she knows.

"Those crone qualities are not acquired overnight. One does not become a full-fledged crone automatically following menopause, any more than growing older andwiser go hand in hand. These are decades that follow menopause in which to grow psychologically and spiritually."


1-18 of 18 Blogs   

Previous Posts
for the kids room, posted February 15th, 2013
Mind over matter., posted February 15th, 2013
Psychology rebels..., posted February 15th, 2013
more! <3, posted February 14th, 2013
That's the truth., posted February 14th, 2013
I choose LIFE, posted February 13th, 2013
What the DSM-V should say. Nothing more, nothing less., posted February 13th, 2013
The Heart Donkey (A Sufi story)...something to contemplate about., posted February 13th, 2013
Lovely days and positive vibes to share, posted February 13th, 2013
Oh look! 5 minutes of peace!, posted February 11th, 2013
A little about me, posted February 11th, 2013
Crones don't whine (Basic points) By Jean Shinoda Bolen, posted February 11th, 2013
Positive reminders to practice as much as possible., posted February 11th, 2013
Found them and sharing them, posted February 10th, 2013
Indian lounge music, posted February 9th, 2013
Carlos Castaneda my friends, posted February 9th, 2013
Agreement #3 Dont take everything personally by Miguel Ruiz, posted February 9th, 2013
Excerpt from "Crones don't whine" By Jean Shinoda Bolen, posted February 9th, 2013

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